


That little kiss you stole (it held my heart and soul)

by we_are_just_bad_code



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 13:04:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6375904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_are_just_bad_code/pseuds/we_are_just_bad_code
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luisa and Rose's story told from Luisa's point of view.<br/>Or the events that lead to Rose's death destroying Luisa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That little kiss you stole (it held my heart and soul)

Going back in time, you don’t really remember much of your life before Rose. Probably that’s due to the fact you were drunk during most of that time, but you still hold the moment you met her as the first time you actually felt alive.

That night on the bar, when she walked in with her eyes sparkling, focusing immediately on you, you had been nursing you soda, trying to think of a good reason to stay sober. Rose’s red dress, which revealed every single part of her that you’d come to love, had taken you away from your persistently triggering thoughts as your eyes followed her around the room until she came to sit next to you.

 _There is no way to describe her beauty_ , you thought, focusing on her ocean blue eyes and finding yourself instantly smiling at the other woman’s warm gaze. When she asked if she could buy you a drink, your smile became even wider and in that moment you forgot all about that vodka bottle you had been eyeing and focused only on the immensely attractive woman who sat next to you, studying your face like it was her favorite book. You explained you’re sober, not wanting to let her down but also not giving in to your dark wishes, and she didn’t judge you like most people did. Instead she talked to you, distracted you and took you away from the dark place you had just been in minutes ago.

Those first moments, you realize now, were the beginning of everything that would come to pass between you two, leading to the love you will always feel for her, even when she’s gone.

That night, after talking for over an hour, you felt like getting the hell out of that bar and you took Rose to your father’s hotel, choosing to sit by the pool and look up at the sky that was, miraculously, filled with stars.

When your lips captured hers for the first time you felt like the whole universe was inside you and you could live forever. Suddenly you were in the water and you didn’t even notice the fireworks above you, as you were lost in Rose’s body, until she was forced to pull her mouth away from yours in order to breathe. Her eyes were opened wide and you could see her dilated pupils, which let you know she was enjoying that as much as you were.

After making love to her again and again you took her up to your suite and in the morning you couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed when you found that she’s gone, even though you didn’t really expect to ever see her again.

***

You were listening to your father’s boring speech about your brother’s lack of responsibility when you saw her for the second time. Your lips parted slightly as surprise washed over you and you watched her recognize you, looking as amused to see you as you were to see her.

You weren’t expecting her to be dating your father and from that moment on you insist on telling yourself that you two will never work out. After all she was your step-mother. However, that didn’t stop you from longing for her, wishing you both were in a different, not so fucked up, situation.

Years passed and as Rose refused to leave your father you forced yourself to move on, never being able to let go of the love you felt for her, not even when you married Allison.

***

The day you caught your wife cheating on you was devastating and, although you thought you were away over Rose, it took everything you had not to call her and hear her sweet, caring voice. You swallowed your feelings for the other woman and focused on the betrayal, which lead you to drink like you hadn’t drunk in months.

As tears run down your cheeks and you savored the burning sensation on your throat that came from drinking vodka directly from the bottle till you couldn’t breathe, all your thoughts went to Rose’s face. In your drunk state all her features appeared to be even more beautiful and, although you knew you were only imagining it, you could see her there with you, making you cry even more.

After fighting drinking for so long you couldn’t believe seeing Allison, the woman you probably didn’t even love that much, with another person made you fall of the wagon like that. Disappointment in yourself made your chest feel heavy, as if someone was holding you down, trying to suffocate you.

That night, when your stomach tried to expel all the poison you had fed it with, you wished Rose was by your side, holding your hair as you threw up, like she had so many times. Lost in the memories you had of you two together, you fell asleep on the cold bathroom floor, wanting nothing more than the redhead you loved to hug you and tell you everything would be okay.

***

After accidently artificially inseminating the wrong woman due to your agonizing hangover you forced yourself not to panic, thinking you had finally a good reason to call your ex-lover, since you would certainly be needing a lawyer.

Seeing her somewhere other than in family dinners made your heart beat insecurely, as you weren’t sure she would actually show up to meet you. You stared at her a bit too long, trying to notice any changes from the last time you saw her and you happily concluded that she was still the same. A warm feeling settled in your chest as her eyes run over you, checking if you were alright.

After a few moments, Rose’s voice took you back to reality and you explained why you called. She seemed uncomfortable at first, as if by just being close to you she knew she wouldn’t be able to leave without helping, even though she didn’t really want to get involved with you again. After a while, her shoulders started to relax and you had to look at the floor in order to keep telling her what happened and not be tempted to kiss her.

As she heard about your relapse, Rose didn’t really look surprised, which made you feel ashamed, but the way her eyes got clouded with concern awoke something deep inside you and everything you felt for her came to the surface.

When making love to her that day, you couldn’t help but feel comfort in the familiarity of the act, in the smell of Rose’s shampoo and in the way her toes curled when she came in your mouth. It ended away too soon and you wondered if it would ever happen again.

***

But it did happen again. And again. And again. Until you two were almost caught by your father that night you were forced to trigger the fire alarm.

Every time you were with Rose your problems seemed to vanish, leaving your mind free of the face of the girl you accidently impregnated and of the lawsuit you would probably be facing. You started getting jealous of the fact your father got to go to bed with her at night and you ask her to leave him once again, to run away with you so you two could finally be together.

You weren’t expecting her to get you confined to a mental institution for having feelings for her and when she did you felt your whole world fall apart. As sadness and disbelief gave up their place to anger and hatred, you felt your heart freezing a bit more even though you knew you would forgive anything Rose ever did to you.

***

After the night she came to visit you, you couldn’t take her out from your head. Your thoughts always seemed to revolt around her pale skin, which turned red with your scratches, and her soft moans, that echoed in your mind.

It turned out that Rose killed your father, revealing herself as the famous criminal lord Sin Rostro. Even though she was responsible for horrible things, you still couldn’t stop loving her and wondering if what happened between you two had ever been real. _It had to be_ , you thought. No one could ever fake that kind of intimacy, not even a woman who had planned every single step of her life in order to achieve her fame in the criminal world.

As you went through everything that had happened with her, looking for any clue of where she might be hiding, you realize you wouldn’t ever be able to be with her again. She was a wanted criminal mastermind and when caught, she’d probably be executed for her crimes.

When the police asked you to work with them in order to find Rose, you finally understood how much you meant to her. You were her weakness and no matter how much it hurt, you had to do the right thing. Giving up your secret conversations with the love of your life was the hardest choice you ever had to make, even harder than giving up alcohol.

***

The police decided the best way of making Rose get out of hiding and contact you would be pretending that you’re hurt. Even after accepting how important you were to the sociopathic criminal, you were surprised when she actually showed up in the hospital to make sure you were alright. After not seeing her for months, you had to use all of your strength not to reach out and touch her face, which was, luckily, still the same.

You started crying then, as Rose said she had came to say goodbye, because now that you had her right there everything that she did didn’t matter to you. You missed her. You wanted to be with her. You longed for the feeling of her lips pressed against yours and her hand locked with your hand. All you could think about was of how much you still loved her.

Your heart ached when her blue eyes got foggy with sadness from thinking you two wouldn’t get to have a future and you immediately corrected her, saying you could run away with her, since that was what you really desired to do.

Everything inside you screamed to tell her that moment was a trap, that the police knew she was there and they were using you as bait. If you couldn’t be together, at least Rose had to get to safety.

However, it was too late since Susanne was already walking into the room, her back tense and her face showing how much she wanted to protect you. You wanted to beg her to let Rose go, but you knew you couldn’t. You instantly regretted not doing it, though, as the betrayed look on Rose’s face as she realized you had set her up broke your heart in tiny pieces. You watched as disbelief washed over her face, like she knew this was a possibility but never really thought you would do such thing. You had never seen her so hurt.

You had never seen her threatening anyone either. Witnessing Rose go from sad to extremely dangerous scared you. Going back to that moment now, you realize you were fearful due to the fact you never actually truly believed what people said about Sin Rostro. You were never able to connect the sweet, loving woman that you adored to the crime lord people said her to be.

When Rose walked away from you with a gun pointed at the woman you had come to feel some affection for, you weren’t able to just lay in bed and wait for it to be over, specially not after you heard a gunshot echoing through the thick hospital walls.

You ran past several corridors and, surprisingly, you didn’t stop when you found Susanne on the ground, bleeding profusely from her arm. Instead you kept going, entering the stairwell you had seen so many cops going through.

When you saw Rose lying dead on the ground you couldn’t keep yourself from screaming. Her ocean blue eyes were still opened, focused on something you couldn’t determinate, and her lips were parted slightly. You couldn’t take in everything you were seeing but you still found strength in yourself to run to her body and touch her one last time before your knees buckled and tears started falling down your cheeks.

Everything from then on was a blur and even though you couldn’t remember how you got to your room in the hotel, the image of Rose’s bruised neck wouldn’t get out of your mind.

As soon as Susanne left for work the next day and you stopped pretending to be fine, you drowned yourself in bottles of vodka, hoping you could see Rose one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from "Deathbeds" by Bring Me The Horizon  
> Criticism is appreciated :)


End file.
